The Little Black Book
by charredfeathers
Summary: It was like the Holy Grail. Something that anyone would die to get their hands on. Something that anyone would want to read, even if it meant they had to kill. And I was pretty sure that if I sold it on Ebay, I would be richer than Donald Trump.


**The Little Black Book**

….

**Summary: **It was like the Holy Grail. Something that anyone would die to get their hands on. Something that anyone would want to read, even if it meant they had to kill. And I was pretty sure that if I sold it on Ebay, I would be richer than Donald Trump.

**Author-person: **Haha. I didn't think I would actually finish writing this. It's my first time coming up with something in which the younger half of the Uchiha Gods is the main character.

You, person whom I call Doodle… if you're reading this, I originally wanted to post this before our last 'day'. But yeah, I was tied up with all the quizzes and assignments and I only had the chance to write it now.

Thanks so much to _Hahyn Girl_ who suggested the idea for this fic. And I'm sorry that I didn't get off my ass sooner to write this.

Major OOC-ness.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto.

….

Itachi was under the impression that I was over at my loud-mouthed best friend's house, kicking his orange clad ass in Tekken just for the hell of it.

Well, he thought wrong.

I silently shut the door again when I heard him sigh and walk back in the kitchen. Sluggishly, to say the least. He seemed to have forgotten his kunai pouch. That was stupid, I thought to myself… Who would forget their weapons when they were going out on a mission? I mean, he was being… wait. Give me a moment to find the right word… because apparently, 'stupid' won't give it justice.

Oh yeah.

He was being 'Naruto'.

My triumph of discovering a new term to be used for idiots like my best friend, and just now, my supposed prodigy of a brother, was sufficient to make me grin. Grin, as in like, a sugar-high maniac who just saw an ice-cream van pull over around the bend.

Hey, it wasn't every day that Uchiha Itachi was acting like a complete, utter imbecile.

And yes, I was making a mountain out of an anthill. But who cares?

Itachi was rummaging through random drawers now. And it felt like he wasn't even looking for his pouch anymore. He was just… there. Pulling drawer after drawer. And I knew he was stalling. The lazy ass.

He even asked if Tsunade would send me instead. And, being the stubborn little brother that I was, gave him a solid, 'Hell no.'. He looked at me with an expression that seemed like incredulity then, and I had to restrain my lips from twitching upward when I saw the disbelief etched on his normally unreadable face. I couldn't blame him. Defying my brother was the last thing I would ever dream of doing. But I had an ace up my sleeve, and as soon as he opened his mouth to say something, I cut him off and told him that I would expose his little secret to the world.

I grinned again at the memory... How his blood drained from his face almost instantly and how his dark eyes shifted nervously from the Hokage to her pink-haired apprentice.

He kept a diary, for God's sake. How flipping gay is that?

By the way, I have nothing against the third sex and people who are… fond of putting down their thoughts in a 'logbook', as an unusually fidgety Itachi called it when I saw it poking from under his pillow... But when you suddenly find out that your rock of a brother actually stays up every night to write in a freaking diary, the assumption that he _may_ be homosexual eventually pops in your head.

Ow. I think I have to stop smiling now. My cheeks are seriously killing me.

Anyway, he had a hard time trying to explain what I meant to the Hokage… but he had thought of an excuse in the end, much to my disappointment. I didn't hear what he had to say though. Because the moment Tsunade and Sakura had distracted him with their questions, I was already out of the office, secretly laughing my head off.

I bet you're having a hard time picturing that.

A loud sigh disrupted my train of thought. Looks like he didn't find the pouch after all.

Itachi reluctantly stepped out of the kitchen, pausing at the doorway for a moment and looking for any sign of his little brother. Ha. Like he could find me. I was masking my chakra perfectly and Kakashi's affirmation of my skills a few days ago was enough to assure me that I was completely hidden.

He left after a few seconds. But I didn't come out of my hiding place for a full ten minutes just in case he came back.

When I was positive that he was completely out of the house, I opened the cupboard door, rolled out, crawled toward the dining room table and ducked under it. I took out my cellphone and dialed Ino's number.

She answered at the second ring. "Hello?"

"If I don't live through this, I just want you to know that I hate you. So you can stop telling the whole, damn, fucking world that I agreed to sleep with you." I said in a whisper.

There was only silence at the other end of the line, and I suspected the worst… because if it was really Ino, she would be shouting in hysterics right about now. I sighed.

"Wrong number?"

"Yes."

In all my...'anxiety', I failed to notice that I was talking to a guy. "Neji?"

There was uncomfortable silence again, and I heard him swallow. "Yes."

"Sorry." Okay, I was seriously wishing that Itachi would burst through the front door and kill me now.

"I suppose… I shouldn't mention anything about this to the others." The Hyuuga said. I could tell he was really not used to these kind of situations.

"Yeah." I answered.

I snapped my phone shut and slid it back into my pocket. That was embarrassing. And I had to admit, I had just experienced a serious 'Naruto' moment… That was a first.

I crawled to the doorway slowly. It was dark in the living room and I had the feeling that he was there. The Sharingan was already active when I poked my head out and scanned the room.

It was empty.

I sighed in relief and dropped down to a crouch, rolling again and stopping at the middle of the hallway. I stood up quickly and slid up against the wall. My red eyes shifted from left to right as I tiptoed to Itachi's room, the Mission Impossible theme playing in my head. Oh yeah, I'm the next Ethan Hunt…

As I reached the threshold, my heart felt like it was about to burst through my ribcage. I gripped on the wooden sliding door, and I was pretty darn sure my eyes were bulging out of their sockets.

I probably looked like that freaky-eyed monkey I saw in Animal Planet a few days ago.

Exhaling sharply, I slid the door open and cautiously walked into Itachi's room. The deafening silence was hard for me to stand, and the eerie creaking sounds that the wooden floorboards made didn't help to calm my nerves.

I stopped upon reaching the side of his bed. I wasn't chickening out or anything. Uchiha Sasuke never chickens out… But I could practically feel the touch-it-and-die aura radiating from the pillow as my hand inched closer. It was like death was written all over the bed, and I suddenly felt like I was in one of those slasher movies that Gaara made us watch when we were visiting him in Suna.

Being Kazekage has it benefits. Free DVD rentals, for example.

I reached under the pillow and felt the hard cover of the book with my fingertips. I gulped involuntarily before finally pulling it out and holding it in my pale hands.

It was like the Holy Grail. Something that anyone would die to get their hands on. Something that anyone would want to read, even if it meant they had to kill. And I was pretty sure that if I sold it on Ebay, I would be richer than Donald Trump.

Wiping the sweat off of my brow, I inhaled and smiled to myself. Finally, I have it. Uchiha Itachi's ultimate weakness!

With a shaky hand, I flipped the cover open, leafing through it and stopping at a particular page that had drawing of a pink-haired girl in a wedding dress and him in a tux…

And there at the bottom, written in pink ink and bordered with small red hearts was something I did not expect…

_I Want To Marry Haruno Sakura_

I winced. No wait, I couldn't. Because for some unknown reason, my eye muscles seemed to stop functioning. I had to do it mentally instead.

At least I was sure about two things…

One, Itachi was, apparently, in love with my teammate. And two…

… he wasn't gay after all.

…

**Author-person: **Behold, my feeble attempt at humor. I hope it was okay.

**To the readers of Pink and Red:** Eh… the third chapter is coming soon. I think. I keep getting distracted and it's only halfway done. Sorry.

Please read and review!!


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